Remember me
by Jessica12
Summary: L/L (Au) PART 3 - Sweet surrender - Luke&Lorelai thinking about the past, present and the future...
1. Default Chapter

Title: Remember me  
Author: Jessica  
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se   
Disribution: Whereever...just let me know where   
Spoilers: None  
Rating: PG  
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se  
Pairing: Lorelai/Luke  
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS. Lyrics taken   
from the song "Chances are" by Bob Seger  
Summary: Lorelai is getting married. Luke decides to leave town.  
AUTHORS NOTE: In this universe Lorelai never breaks up with Max.  
  
" Chances are I'll see you somewhere  
In my dreams tonight  
You'll be smiling like the night we met  
Chances are I'll hold you and I'll offer  
All I have"/  
  
----------------------------  
Remember me  
by: Jessica  
  
----------------  
  
It's time to stop fighting.  
She will never be mine.  
She was never mine to win in the first place.  
I know that I should be happy for her.  
Believe me, I have tried.  
But still I cling to hope.  
Tomorrow I will lose her.  
Married.  
Max.  
She is so happy.  
She is glowing.  
He is responsible.  
Not me.  
I walk around only seeing her.  
I'm going crazy.  
How can I face knowing that she never will be mine?  
I'm not sure that my heart can take that.  
Not again.  
Not ever.  
I know that I should back off and let her be happy.  
But I can't.  
I thought about telling her the truth.  
I kept imagining her face when I told her.  
Fool.  
It wouldn't be right.  
To make her choose.  
I can't do that to her.  
So I'll surrender this fight.  
___________  
  
I heard the news today.  
He is leaving.  
Luke Danes is leaving Stars Hollow.  
I went to him looking for answers   
to questions.  
I found him upstairs.  
He was packing.  
I walked through his door so sure of myself.  
So sure I could make him stay.  
I lingered by the door searching for words.  
"Luke.."  
He turned around and our eyes met.  
"Lorelai."  
"What's all this?"  
I moved towards him.  
I had only been in his apartment a couple of times before.  
It was almost empty now.  
"Shouldn't you get ready?"  
"I will. You didn't answer my question."  
"I'm leaving."  
He turned around and closed the suitcase.  
The sound seemed to echo in the small apartment.  
"Why?"  
"I thought I might go to New York and see my sister. From there...  
the world."  
He turned towards me, smiling.  
But the smile never reached his eyes.  
"Just like that? What about the diner? It's your all. Are you just  
going to leave all of this behind?"  
"I'm not selling the diner. I could never sell the diner."  
The thought of him leaving scared me more than I thought was possible.  
"Then why are you doing this?! Your life is here. You belong here in  
Stars Hollow"  
"I need to do this. I have to do this."  
"Why!? Why now?!"  
I was losing him. I could feel it with every breath I took.  
"I want to do this."  
"This is not like you, Luke."  
"Maybe you don't know me as good as you thought."  
"Don't do this."  
Panic ate at my heart.  
"I have to do this."  
I moved towards him.  
Needing to touch him.  
"Please, don't go. Stay here. I need you here. Who else can make such  
good coffee? Who am I going to fight with? Who am I going to talk to?"  
"Max."  
I looked at him, trying to read what he was thinking.  
But it was impossible, as usual.  
"It's not the same. You're my friend."  
I reached out my hand and took his hand in mine.  
"I have to do this, Lorelai."  
He was slipping away from me.  
"Is there anything I can do to make you stay?"  
"No."  
Tears made my sight blurry as I looked into his eyes.  
"What if I went down on my knees and begged?"  
He smiled.  
I would miss that smile.  
I would miss these hands.  
Luke.  
"It's not your style."  
I trembled as he lifted his hand and wiped away my tears with his  
thumb.  
"You shouldn't cry. It's your wedding-day."  
I smiled through my tears.  
"Damn. Ruining my make-up."  
I let go of his hand and took a step back.  
"When are you leaving?"  
"Tonight."  
"When are you coming back?"  
His eyes were dark as he spoke:  
"I don't know. I haven't decided."  
"Don't do this to me, Luke. Not today."  
"Someday."  
"Luke."  
He moved towards me.  
God, how I will miss him.  
"I will come back."  
His scent took me in.  
I looked into his eyes and felt my walls crumbling.  
No more games.  
I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around him.  
It felt so good to hold him.  
I pulled him closer.  
Not wanting to let go.  
"I will miss you, Luke."  
"And I will miss you."  
I let go of him and said:  
"Don't take too long coming back."  
I moved towards the door.  
"I won't."  
I stopped in the doorway and looked at him.  
"Don't leave without saying goodbye."  
"I won't."  
I smiled, closed the door behind me and   
walked away from him.  
  
_________________  
  
I stood there along time, just starring   
at the closed door.  
I had lied.  
Maybe not lying.  
Just not telling the truth.  
It was a matter of survival.  
God, how beautiful she had been.  
It felt so good to be held by her.  
To be close to her.  
I had wanted to tell her right then and there.  
I couldn't tell her.  
I couldn't do that to her.  
Not today.  
Not ever.  
She was getting married today.  
I will lose her.  
It's time to let go.  
  
____________  
  
I stood in front of the mirror.  
Dressed in white.  
Sookie was standing beside me, smiling.  
Rory was sitting on the couch on the other side of the room.  
She was dressed in a blue dress.  
She was beautiful.  
"Oh, mum. You look wonderful."  
"Yeah, you are. You're perfect."  
I turned towards Sookie and Rory.  
Smiling.  
Happiness was in my grasp and I intend to keep it.  
  
____________________  
  
My hands trembled as I buttoned my shirt and   
looked into the mirror.  
I was standing in the middle of my apartment.  
What was left of it.  
I was dressed for her wedding.  
I would lose her.  
I didn't want to go.  
But still I wanted to see her one  
last time.  
I wanted to see her in her dress.  
I wanted to see the beauty that  
is Lorelai Gilmore.  
Even if it might break my heart.  
  
__________________  
  
Only minutes left now.  
My heart was racing in my chest as I looked up   
at my father.  
He was going to walk me down the aisle.  
I was scared.  
Fear had a hold of my heart.  
What if I made a mistake?  
The doors to the church opened for us and  
the music started to play.  
HE IS LEAVING!!!  
I tried to kill the voices that screamed in my ear.  
All my friends were gathered.  
I scanned the room for him.   
But he was nowhere to be found.  
YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE HIM!  
I fixed my eyes on Max.   
He seemed miles away.  
HE IS LEAVING! HE IS NEVER COMING BACK!!  
His face flashed before my eyes.  
Luke.  
Friend.  
Savior.  
YOU LOVE HIM!  
I refused to listen to the voices.  
Luke.  
His face was before me.  
Haunting me.  
Chasing me.  
What if this was all a mistake?  
  
_________________________  
  
She was beautiful.  
She was perfect.  
She was untouchable.  
I couldn't take my eyes of her.  
I stood in the back of the church watching  
as she walked towards Max.  
Pain ate at my heart.  
I shouldn't have come.  
But I wanted to see her one last time.  
She was never mine to win in the first place.  
I moved towards the door.  
Never mine.  
But still I loved her.  
Foolish heart.  
I looked at her one last time over the crowd and  
whispered:  
"I love you, Lorelai Gilmore."  
But that she will never know.  
Then I walked out of her life.  
  
_______________________  
  
It felt like a dream all of this.  
I stood in front of the priest with my  
heart racing in my chest.  
What if I made a mistake?  
"What if" kept chasing me around.  
Max looked great.  
I tried to listen to what the priest was saying.  
I really tried.  
I failed.  
All I could hear was his voice telling me that he   
was leaving.  
LUKE IS LEAVING  
All I could see was his face.  
Mistake.  
I had made several.  
Maybe this was just another one of those.  
Could survive him leaving?  
But if I let him go I would never know if he was the one.  
What if he was the one?  
Luke.  
My friend.  
He was face was before me.  
Chasing me.  
Calling for me.  
STOP HIM!!!!  
He was leaving.  
No more Luke.  
I turned to Max and looked at him.  
I had wanted him to be the one.  
I wanted to love him.  
I could have learned to love him.  
I couldn't live like that.  
For the first time in a long time   
I dared to listen to my heart.  
"I can't do this, Max. I'm so sorry."  
Then I turned and ran out of the church.  
  
____________  
  
The sky was dark as I turned the key and locked the  
door to the diner.  
I stood under the streetlight starring back at my home.  
The car was packed.  
I was ready to go.  
To leave this place behind.  
She would be married by now.  
I had lost.  
I just wished I could find the strength to drive  
her out of my heart.  
Stop loving her.  
I will leave Stars Hollow.  
I'll stay away from her.  
I'm saving my heart.  
I can't see her knowing that she never will be mine.  
I moved towards the car.  
One last look.  
One last goodbye.  
I climbed into my car and looked back at the diner.  
Maybe I will come back one day.  
One day.  
Then I started the car and left Stars Hollow.  
I never looked back.  
  
_________________  
  
I ran as fast as I could.  
Panic ran through my veins like poison.  
I ran through the street of this town in  
my wedding-dress.  
I had to stop him from leaving.  
I had to make him understand.  
Make him stay.  
I needed him.  
With me.  
By my side.  
Luke.  
The diner came in sight.  
I stopped in front of the door.  
Darkness met me.  
A locked door met me.  
Fear.  
Panic.  
Pain.  
I banged on the door.  
He couldn't have left yet.  
He promised.  
Tears filled my eyes as I banged on the door.  
My hands hurt.  
But I didn't care.  
He couldn't have left.  
Not Luke.  
Rain came down from a darken sky.  
I didn't care.  
Let it come.  
I lifted my head towards the sky and screamed his name   
to the heaven.  
I didn't care who saw me.  
Let them come.  
Let them talk.  
My legs gave away and I crumbled to the ground.  
I let myself cry.  
For my heart.  
For him.  
For me.  
For us.  
It wasn't supposed to end like this.  
God, how blind I had been.  
I let him slip away from me.  
Pain ripped at my heart inviting it to break.  
His face flashed before my eyes.  
I loved him.  
I loved his smile.  
The way he always was there when I needed someone.  
I loved his hands.  
I loved his eyes.  
I loved everything about him.  
I needed him.  
Wanted him.  
My whole body screamed out for him.  
Needed him.  
Wanting him.  
Loving him.  
But it was too late now.  
I closed my eyes in a weak attempt to shut the pain out.  
I failed.  
I needed just a moment.  
A second chance.  
I wanted to tell him the truth.  
To open my heart to him.  
To love him.  
To be loved by him.  
Too late now.  
I had let time slip away from me.  
Let it come.  
Let pain come.  
I had lost.  
I opened my eyes and lifted my head towards the sky.  
The rain washed over my face.  
I whispered to the dark sky the words I clung to:  
"Come back to me."  
  
______________________________  
  
FEEDBACK___PLEASE___j_rothen@yahoo.se 


	2. Never again

Title: Never again  
Author: Jessica  
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se   
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where   
Spoilers: None  
Rating: PG  
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se  
Pairing: Lorelai/Luke  
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS. Poem is called "Fly"  
and I wrote it.  
Summary: Follows "Remember me" It's been six months since Luke  
left Stars Hollow. He finally comes back.  
AUTHORS NOTE: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar  
mistakes may occur.  
  
  
  
" Give me wings and let me fly.   
Come all angels and mend this shattered soul.   
Lift me away from this crazy world of mine.   
Close my eyes and let me be blind for a while.   
Let me be small again.  
Take me in you arms and rock me to sleep.   
I want to hide,  
Take away my life,   
I don't need it anymore.   
Let me die,  
put me to sleep.  
Because I know,  
that nothing can ever   
be good   
again."  
  
------------------  
Never again  
by: Jessica  
  
-----------------  
  
Time pass so quickly these days.  
Autumn came and went.  
I never even noticed the changing of season.  
I go about my day as usual.  
He took my heart when he left.  
I guess I'm doing fine.  
I'm still standing.  
I'm still breathing.  
  
_________________  
  
God, how I missed her.  
It comes nights when she comes to me in my dreams.  
In the shape of an angel.  
I try to reach her.  
But she always slips from my grasp.  
I can never reach her.  
  
It's been almost six months now since I left  
Stars Hollow.  
It feels like a lifetime.  
Yesterday.  
I have tried to drive her out of my heart.  
I worked day and night,  
convinced that I could make it out here  
alone.  
I was wrong.  
I was wrong in so many ways.  
I tried to run away.  
From her.  
From my heart.  
From everything.  
It's time to set things right.  
To go back to where everything started.  
Home again.  
  
__________________  
  
I have found myself walking by the diner several times.  
Searching for him.  
Longing for him.  
I know that it's time to let go.  
He is not coming back.  
I have to accept that.  
It's time to let go.  
  
--------------  
  
Luke Danes came back to Stars Hollow one rainy morning in the  
middle of November.  
He didn't ride into town on a white stallion.  
He came driving his old, rusty, truck.  
By noon everyone knew that he was back.  
Even Lorelai Gilmore.  
  
  
--------------  
  
I stood a long time in the darkness of the diner just   
taking everything in.  
It felt good to be back.  
All the memories I had from this place came back  
all at once.  
I couldn't help but smile.  
I was back.  
And nothing could make me leave again.  
Not even her.  
  
___________________  
  
It was dark when I finally worked up the courage and   
went to him.  
My hands trembled as I knocked on the door to the   
diner.  
He appeared in the doorway.  
His hair was shorter.  
He had a nice tan.  
No baseball-cap.  
No flannel-shirt.  
He was dressed in jeans and a white t-shirt.  
My mind went blank when our eyes met.  
Luke.  
He smiled at me and said my name.   
Then I was in his arms.  
He lifted me up and spanned me around.  
He shut the door with his foot and carried me into the diner.  
He put me down and looked at me:  
"Nice to see you, Lorelai."  
God, he looked good.  
I couldn't help but smile.  
He was nothing like I had imagined.  
"You look good, Luke."  
"Yeah. I feel great."  
"So, where have you been?"  
He seemed to glow.  
"Everywhere and nowhere...How is everything? Rory? Max?"  
"Oh, Rory is just great. Working hard. You know, Rory."  
"And Max?"  
I avoided his eyes when I spoke:  
"Oh, it didn't work out."  
"Divorce?"  
"No. We never married."  
"But, why!?"  
BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU  
But I hadn't the strength to tell him.  
At least not yet.  
"He wasn't the one for me."  
I looked into his eyes and saw concern there.  
A soft place to fall.  
A shoulder to cry on.  
"Oh, I'm sorry. I know how much you loved him."  
He took me into his arms without question.  
It felt so good to be held.  
I stood there with my head against his chest,  
listening to his heartbeat.  
"I'm here if you want to talk."  
"You better."  
"I swear."  
I broke free from his arms and looked at him:  
"Don't go out on another one of those "find yourself trips".   
You belong here."  
"Yes mum."  
He smiled.  
His smile took me in.  
Crumbling.  
Falling.  
TELL HIM! TELL HIM!!!  
I refused to listen.  
"Or else I might have to kick your ass."  
He laughed.  
God, how I had missed him.  
"You wouldn't stand a chance."  
I punched him playfully in the arm and said:  
"Try me."  
"I don't think so."  
"Chicken."  
I moved towards the door.  
It was time to leave.  
But I would be back.  
To win his heart.  
To love him.  
One day.  
But not today.  
He looked at me, smiled and said:  
"I have missed you, Lorelai."  
"And I you. Don't you ever leave again."  
"I won't."  
Then I turned around and walked out of the diner.  
  
---------------------------  
  
Luke opened up the diner the next morning.  
Things went back to normal.  
We saw each other everyday.  
We laughed.  
We quarreled.  
I never told him.  
I buried everything in the past,   
convinced that it would be better off  
there.  
I never knew how wrong I was.  
  
________________________  
  
November turned into December and  
Christmas approached.  
With that the local Christmas party at the Inn.  
Dinner, dancing, presents.  
Everything for my friends.  
For Stars Hollow.  
  
____________  
  
I stood in the doorway to the ballroom on the   
night of the party watching my guest.  
I was dressed in a black dress.  
I was ready now.  
He was nowhere to be found.  
And that hurt.  
  
---------------  
She came to me just before midnight.  
Looking lovely.  
Perfect.  
She stood in the middle of the diner.  
Eyes glowing.  
"So, where were you?"  
"What do you mean?"  
I had just closed the diner.  
I was just about to start cleaning up when she burst through   
my door.  
"The party. My party. Remember? You were invited."  
"Oh, I remember. I just..."  
I had wanted to go.   
Believe me.  
But fear had a hold of my heart.  
Fear that she might see through me.  
That she might know what was in my heart.  
I couldn't take another heartache.  
I couldn't stand rejection.  
Not again.  
So I had stayed away.  
It was enough that I had to see her everyday,  
knowing that she never could be mine.  
I just couldn't stand dancing with her, holding   
her close.  
Not again.  
"You just. What? Just didn't care."  
She moved towards me.  
I backed away from her.  
"No. I had the diner and I don't like those things..You know that."  
"Yes, I know. I just thought you might make a exception this time."  
  
--------  
I wanted to scream in his face.  
I wanted to scream out load.  
I wanted to do something, anything to kill  
the voices in my ear that scream that I had lost this fight.  
I refused to believe that.  
He was standing just an armslenght away.  
Him.  
Luke.  
"I'm sorry."  
His eyes were dark as he spoke.  
I wish I could read his mind.  
But I never could and I never will.  
"I wanted you there.."  
"I know.."  
He moved towards me.  
His eyes were on fire, glowing.  
Like a tiger.  
He stopped in front of me and looked at me:  
"You are beautiful."  
"I guess you say that to all the girls."  
He smiled.  
Falling for him.  
Longing for him.  
Needing him.  
Crumbling.  
"No."  
He was so close that I almost could hear his heartbeat.  
My hands shivered as I framed his face between my hands.  
I didn't care what was right and proper.  
I didn't care if he might push me away.  
I needed this to survive.  
I needed him.  
Everything about him.  
It was time to open my heart to him.  
To give him my heart.  
To tell him the truth.  
"I love you, Luke."  
Then I kissed him.  
His lips were soft against mine.  
I trembled as he opened my mouth with his tongue.  
Magic.  
Heaven.  
Suddenly he broke away from me and looked at me.  
His eyes were still dark with desire.  
"I can't do this."  
"Luke..."  
"No, you don't understand."  
"Please."  
I reached out my hand for him but he backed away.  
"No. You just can't come in here and say that."  
"It's the truth."  
"You lie."  
"No. I don't know how or when it happened. But I have fallen in  
love with you. Maybe it was there all along. I don't know."  
"Stop saying that!"  
He moved away from me.  
I reached out for him but he avoided my hand.  
I was left feeling so cold.  
"Luke..It's the truth. I love you. I want to be with you."  
Silence.  
He turned his back and walked up to the window.  
It was snowing outside.  
His silence ate at my heart causing it to tremble in my chest.  
"You don't understand. I gave my heart to you and you never saw it.."  
"Oh, Luke...I'm..."  
"You never saw me...You never noticed."  
"I know that I have been blind..."  
He turned towards me.   
Pain in his eyes.  
"I did everything for you. I could have laid down my life for you.  
I had never loved anyone the way I loved you and Rory. You were   
everything..."  
"Luke, please..."  
"No."  
"Don't do this.."  
"Do you know why I left?"  
"No."  
"I couldn't stand seeing you with Max. You broke my heart the day   
you came here and told me that you were going to marry him. I left  
because I needed you out of my system. I wanted to drive you out   
of my heart for once."  
I moved towards him.   
I was losing him again.  
I could feel it.  
Pain ate at my heart as he looked at me.  
"I thought I might die if I saw you...again...Knowing that I could  
never have you...."  
"I love you, Luke. I could never..."  
"I could never take another heartache. How can I trust that you   
won't wake up one day and walk away from me...that you decide   
that you don't love me anymore? That I'm not the ONE.   
I couldn't take you leaving me. Not again. Not ever.   
It would kill me."  
"Oh, no..Luke..I love you."  
I was pleading for my bleeding heart.  
For him.  
For me.  
For us.  
I was losing.  
"I can't, Lorelai. Not again...."  
"But..."  
He turned away from me.  
Shattered.  
Broken.  
I had a hard time breathing.  
I moved closer.  
I reached out my hand for him.  
In my head a little voice was pleading for him to take it.  
But he didn't.  
And that hurt.  
"Don't do this."  
"Please, leave."  
Pain.  
This couldn't be happening.  
"Luke, I LOVE YOU. Damn you, but I love you."  
"I wish I could believe you."  
I could almost feel my heart shatter into millions of pieces.  
Bleeding inside.  
I moved towards the door.  
Tears made my sight blurry.  
I opened the door with my hands trembling.  
I looked back at him.  
Silence.  
Pain.  
There were no more to say.  
No more words I could say to convince him.  
I had lost.  
"Goodbye."  
I bowed my head, closed the door behind me   
and walked away from him.  
  
---------------------------  
  
I stood along time by the window starring out into   
the darken night.  
I knew that I had to move eventually.  
I feared that if I moved my heart would shatter into  
pieces.  
All I could see was her.  
All I could hear was her voice.  
All I could feel was her lips against mine.  
I had wanted so much to believe her.  
There was nothing else that I had wanted.  
But I couldn't.  
I was a coward.  
I feared jumping.  
I read somewhere that love was like a jump right into the   
thin air.  
Maybe that was true.  
I don't know.  
I had to do this to survive.  
  
------------------------  
  
I walked through the streets of this town slowly but surely   
falling apart.  
All I had on was my dress and a coat.  
I was cold.  
I was shivering.  
It's amazing that I still could breathe.  
I know that I had to go home.   
They would look for me.  
But I needed to be alone.  
Just a minute.  
Just an hour.  
To mend my heart.  
To save my soul.  
  
It had stopped snowing when I approached my house.  
Rory was staying with Lane tonight.  
Alone.  
The stars had come out to play as I walked the   
path to my house.  
He was standing on the porch.  
Him.  
Luke.  
He looked straight at me.  
Why had he come?   
To torment me?  
To hurt me?  
He walked towards me.  
I stopped and looked at him.  
His eyes were dark as he spoke:  
"Lorelai, I..."  
"Why are you here, Luke?"  
"I need to explain."  
I didn't want this.  
I couldn't take this.  
"I think everything that needed to be said have been said."  
I wanted to run as far away as possible from him.  
I wanted to save my heart.  
I walked by him.  
He grabbed my hand and made me look at him.  
"No, you're wrong! I love you, Lorelai."  
Anger and pain ate at my heart as I looked at him.  
Was this all a game?  
"Damn you, Luke."  
I placed my hands on his chest and pushed hard.  
He stumbled backwards.  
"I was wrong. I can see that now."  
"Damn, you. I told you the truth tonight and you just..."  
"I'm so sorry, Lorelai. But I was scared."  
He reached for me but I avoided him.   
"Everybody is scared. Don't you think I was scared when I went to   
you and gave you my heart. But you tossed aside like it was nothing."  
"No it was nothing. I'm sorry that I hurt you..."  
He moved towards me.   
His scent took me in.  
Falling.  
Again.  
I moved away from him, afraid that I might fall once again.  
"You did. I meant every word I said."  
"And I meant every word I said."  
I looked at the man I loved and every bone in my body screamed out  
to touch him.   
But I needed to be strong now.  
"Luke, I..."  
He moved fast.  
He was in front of me in a second.  
Holding me.  
"I will never leave you. I will love you with everything that I am."  
"Let go of me."  
"Never. Not until you give in."  
I looked up at him, determined to win this fight.  
He had broken my heart.  
"Luke!"  
"No"  
"Let go of me! I'll scream."  
"Scream all you want. I don't think anyone would care."  
I struggled to get loose.  
But it only made him hold me even tighter.  
"STOP THIS!"  
"No I will hold on to you. Forever if it takes."  
I looked at him.  
I wanted so much to let go and let myself love him.  
Let myself believe that we could make it.  
But what if kept chasing me around.  
The things that he had said that night kept chasing me  
around.  
What if it was true?  
"Please, Luke.."  
"No. I love you, Lorelai Gilmore. I can't promise you that it will   
all turn out right in the end. I can't promise you heaven. All I  
can promise is myself. I'm giving you my heart to do what you like  
with."  
He let go of me.  
I wanted to turn around and walk away from him.  
But I didn't know how to let go of him.  
Not again.  
Not ever.  
Maybe his words were true.   
Maybe we can't know that all of this will turn out right in the end.  
All I know is that I can't stand losing him.  
Not again.  
Never again.  
I moved towards him.  
"I love you, Luke."  
He smiled.   
Then he lowered his mouth to mine and kissed me.  
I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer to me.  
He opened up to me.  
As our tongues met all sanity was lost.  
Time and room stopped existing.  
  
---------------------------  
  
FEEDBACK_____YES PLEASE____j_rothen@yahoo.se 


	3. Sweet surrender

Title: Sweet surrender  
Author: Jessica  
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se   
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where   
Spoilers: None  
Rating: PG  
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se  
Pairing: Lorelai/Luke  
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS. Lyrics from the song  
"Broken road" by.?  
Summary: Luke& Lorelai thinking about the past, present and the future.  
AUTHORS NOTE: Thank you so much to everyone who had said so nice   
things...You don't know how much that means to me...THANK you so much.   
Tack.  
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar  
mistakes may occur.  
  
  
--------------------------  
  
"I set out on a narrow way  
Many years ago  
Hoping I would find true love  
Along the broken road.  
But I got lost a time or two  
I wiped my brow, kept bushing through  
I couldn't see how every sign  
Pointed straight to you..."/  
  
-----------------------  
Sweet surrender  
by: Jessica  
-------------  
  
I'm lying here watching her sleep.  
The moon comes in through the window  
and paints her face in silver.  
I know that I should be sleeping.  
But I can't.  
She occupies my senses.  
Fills me up.  
Moves my heart.  
It's amazing.  
I have never felt like this before.  
So alive.  
It feels like I could fly.  
I smile into the dark.  
Then I close my eyes and let   
my dreams take me away.  
  
------------  
  
I woke slowly.  
The morning-sun warmed my face.  
He was still sleeping.  
I couldn't help but smile.  
I moved closer to him.  
Wanting to feel the warmth of his body.  
My hands trembled as I reached out and let my   
fingertips trace his lips.  
Soft.  
Magic.  
Heaven.  
He moved in his sleep.  
I could still taste him.  
"Stop looking at me, Lorelai."  
He had still his eyes shut.  
"Well, it's not everyday you're in my bed, Luke Danes."  
"You better get use to it."  
I smiled.  
Silence followed.  
I didn't want to leave his side.  
Feeling restless.  
"So what do you want to do today?"  
"Lorelai, I'm sleeping!!!"  
"But..."  
"Lorelai!"  
"But..."  
"Sleep!!"  
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer.  
I leaned my head against his shoulder.  
I laughed.  
  
----------  
  
I can't remember when exactly it happened.  
Maybe it always has been her.  
I had given up on love when she came along.  
I was so convinced that there was no such thing as   
the greatest love at all.  
It was just talk.  
I was content with living my life alone.  
I can't say that it was easy.  
It came nights when I crumbled.  
When loneliness ate at my heart.  
Wanting something I couldn't have.  
But then she came along.  
Changed my world.  
I remember when I first saw her.  
She was standing on the street outside   
the diner with a little girl by her side.   
The girl couldn't be old.   
Maybe eight, nine.  
They were beautiful.  
Perfect.  
She walked into my diner.  
So full of life.  
Ordering coffee.  
She took my hand and said her name was Lorelai.  
Then she smiled.  
It was the end of me.  
I fell.  
Hard.  
  
  
-------------  
  
He had fallen asleep again.  
But I can't sleep.  
The sun warms my face as I study him.  
I know every line of his face.  
It's amazing how light my heart feels.  
It feels like I'm floating on clouds.  
I have never felt like this before.  
This alive.  
  
I remember the day he stepped into my life.  
I was so young then.   
25.  
I thought I knew everything.  
I could make it through whatever obstacle life put in front of me.  
He was the first person that never judges me.   
We became friends that day.   
He became part of my world.  
  
I can't remember when I fell in love with him.   
It came slowly.   
Never rushed.   
But I feared my heart.  
Fearing that I might make a mistake.  
Fearing that I might lose him forever.  
I had made so many mistakes.  
It seems sometimes that my whole life has  
all been a line of mistakes.  
But I'm still learning.  
So I stayed away.  
Convinced that I was better off.  
Oh, you know the rest...  
I smile.  
I rise from the bed.  
The house is still sleeping.  
I already miss his touch.  
His arms around me.  
Needing coffee.  
I look at the bed.  
He is still sleeping.  
I make my way downstairs.  
Rory is still sleeping.  
I don't want to wake her.  
I grab a cup of coffee and head outside.  
To the sun.  
I sit down on the stairs and let my eyes drift  
over my backyard.  
I can't help but smile.  
  
------------------  
  
I woke up lonely.  
An empty bed beside me.  
She wasn't there.  
Fear gripped at my heart.  
Missing her.  
I rubbed my tired eyes.   
She had come to me in my dreams.  
She brought my soul peace.  
Angel of mine.  
Perfect.  
I rise from the bed.  
Missing her touch.  
Missing her.  
  
----------------  
  
I never thought love would come in the shape of this man.  
Luke.   
Friend.   
He knows me by heart.   
All of me.  
When I was younger I imagined a great love.   
A prince.   
Even a castle.  
I thought love should be something grand.  
I thought only true love could be from someone...big...  
Oh, I don't know.  
I had my crushes.   
I have had several boyfriends.   
My mother didn't like that.  
She wanted a nice boy.   
A good boy.  
A rice boy.  
But I wanted something different.  
Someone that could move my heart.  
That really saw me.   
Then Christopher came along.   
I loved him.   
He was my first real love.   
Once I thought he might be my only love.   
He was perfect.   
He was so different from the others.   
He was real.   
True.   
For the first time I felt free.  
Completely free.   
Not bound to what was right and proper.  
He saw me for what I really was back then:  
a wild-child.   
But then reality hit.   
Rory.   
A child.   
I grew up so fast.   
I had to.   
Christopher freaked.   
I can't blame him.   
He wasn't ready.  
I wasn't ready.  
I stepped out into the world carrying a child.   
I fell in love again.   
With her.   
The first kick was like magic to my frozen heart.  
It's an incredible thing to feel it move inside of you.   
I never thought I could love that little thing that   
grew below my heart.  
But I did.  
I can't describe the feeling when she finally arrived.  
When I first healed her.  
Miracle.   
She was so lovely.  
So perfect.  
She is a part of me now.   
My child.   
I am complete now.  
"What are you dreaming about?"  
His voice woke me.  
He is standing in the doorway to my kitchen.   
He is dressed in a t-shirt and boxers.   
He has a blanket wrapped around him.   
I smile at him.  
He walks over and sits down beside me.   
"I missed you. You shouldn't leave like that. You should have woken me up"  
"You were sleeping."  
"Don't leave like that."  
His words warm my heart.  
He wraps his arms around me and pulls me to him.   
I lean my head against his chest.  
He wraps the blanket around us both and we sit there watching as  
the sun makes its way across the sky.  
Safe again.   
"Okay."  
The sound of his heart beating calms me down.   
He scents fills me up and make my mind blurry.  
I want to drown in him.  
Wanting everything at once.  
Loving him.  
I press my nose into the fabric of his shirt and whisper:  
"I love you."  
  
----------  
  
My heart fills huge in my chest.   
So perfect.  
So at peace.  
The morning breeze warms my skin as I place a kiss on her hair  
and whisper:  
"I love you too."  
They are only words.  
I know that now.  
Because I can never put into words the way I feel about her.   
Believe me, I have tried.  
She is my all.  
The part I have looked for all my life.  
The part that can make me complete.  
I know it sounds, silly.  
But it's the truth.   
I don't know how to explain it.  
It's frustrating sometimes when I can't tell her how much I love her.  
So I try my best to show her.   
I drown in her.  
I give myself totally.   
All of me.   
When she leaves I'm less than myself.  
I go crazy when she is not around.   
I will never leave her.   
Never stray.   
She is my soul mate.  
We are different.  
But we are still soul mates.  
I know that now.  
Can see that now.   
I'm not afraid anymore.  
Feeling complete.  
I let go of her and rise.  
I open the door and look back at her.  
"Are you coming?"  
I smile.  
"In a minute."  
"Okay. Don't be long."  
Our eyes meet.  
Longing.  
Yearning.  
She smiles and says:  
"I won't."  
  
---------------  
  
I listen to his footsteps dying away.   
I smile.   
I can still feel is arms around me.  
His hands.  
His warmth.  
Him.  
Luke.  
I used to be scared.   
Of love.  
Of life.   
I'm that no longer.   
I have found my place.   
Found everything at once.  
Complete.  
I don't know what the future holds for us.   
But I pray, yes I pray, that it will be a bright one.  
I will hold on to him.   
Nothing ever can part us.   
I smile at the sun.  
I think I will go back to him now.  
I will go back to his arms   
and the sweet surrender I find there.  
  
__________________________  
  
*Ooooh, I know....a bit silly....But I listen to "It must have been  
love" so I will blame that one...:)......PLEASE REVIEW!  
I'M LOOKING FOR A BETA-READER---INTERESTED!??? PLEASE----EMAIL ME 


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